Behold, the Unicorn!

Behold, the unicorn!

Its mythological mystique and unreachable beauty cannot be possessed, yet every once in a Supermoon, this magical creature comes just within our grasp and melts the mind in a matter of moments. Fact or fiction, magic or make-believe, its surreal presence shakes our very being, removing our blinders, challenging our truths, and bewildering us in stupefying solace. It combines the simplistic beauty shared in a clasp of hands at 30,000 feet, the natural wonder of a starry sky seen far beyond the city lights, and the intellectual inspiration and artistry of original thought. Sailing in serene slow motion, the unicorn awakes us from mundane slumber, impressing us to view the universe through its majestic eyes. Forgetting all fears, we oblige, entranced in its ethereal essence.

The unicorn’s glow can be deceptive, and the temptation to track it, transform it, or perpetually strive for it can overtake us. Maybe its materialization is misunderstood. Perhaps rather than pursue the unicorn, we should simply bask in its glory, unleash our creativity, and pause to revel in the lessons it seeks us to learn. Conceivably, it came into our lives at the exact moment we needed a spark to remind and embolden us of our true selves, our passions, and our pursuits. While most unicorns surely disappear, their mark is left within us; it’s up to us to choose to chase the fleeting fantasy, or harness its evanescence to illuminate our daunting dreams in novel navigation.

Whether you believe in divine intervention or random happenstance, one can’t help but wonder what sort of possibilities are presented when we accept the illustrious gift of such an anomaly as it graces our presence…What if some sort of wormhole is actualized, allowing only those curious enough to brave the unicorn’s beguiling light an extraordinary leap into the next adventure? What if our fearless flight even unleashes the opportunity to become a unicorn for another, and the simple act of becoming self-aware frees someone else stuck in sedentary cement?  Or, perhaps, every once in a Supermoon, we become fortunate enough to befriend a fellow whimsical wonder along the path of our own purpose?

Ponder the possibilities…

Temptation, Trust, and the Treacherous Unknown

Temptation. It’s everywhere…and not necessarily in the ways we might think. There’s the temptation to give up, the temptation to settle, the temptation to doubt.

This past month, I feel like I’ve really come to terms with who I am, who I am not, and what I want in life. I learned that I really like me and I’m content with all that I have. This past year has been quite the journey that has led me to this place. It’s been terrifying at times, and very lonely, but I’ve never given up.

Beginning again at 40 has been daunting, to say the least. For a while I thought that if I found the right person, I’d rewrite my story and start over, and everything would be okay. Lately, however, I feel like the opposite is true. My whole life, I’ve put other people first. The empathy and giving is ingrained in me and it’s my biggest asset, yet my greatest flaw all at once. This time around, it’s about me and all the amazing things I have to offer this world that I’ve been suppressing.

I’ve been spending a lot of introspective time meditating and rediscovering. Though I haven’t quite figured out my next steps yet, I’m excited about where they may lead. Anything is possible, and if I can’t put myself in a box, why put God in one? After all, if He can use a minor car wreck to bring in exactly enough insurance money to get me out of a scary hole, and I can trust him with something as huge as finances, why I can’t I trust Him with my entire future days?

Now, if only I could have a good swift kick in the rear-end like my car to point me in the right direction…

And as for the rest….well, I guess Mr. Right, if he exists, is just going to have to pursue me & all of my amazingness while I’m busy with my creative pursuits…

#TBT Tomato & Tangerine

A song I was listening to today reminded me of a pretty little tidbit I wrote some six years ago around this time…

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She threw her shoulders back (as she was feeling a little taller these days) and carried on, pausing to admire the sunflowers and hoping for more along the path ahead…

Her once faded colors now flourished vibrantly in shades of tomato and tangerine.

She protectively clutched her cards in hand but with each typed word, they fell to the table, one by one, in full transparency.

Confessions of an Introspective Insomniac (and Other Musings)

Shuffling through his lazy life, he drowns out the beautiful noise of his mind, fearful of being silent & alone with his thoughts. His quest for for contentment culminates in a distasteful puddle at the base of a bottle, a cloud of earthy smoke spiraling from sea glass, or within a string of warm bodies to occupy his nights.

Then, he tries conventionality on for size.

Together, they collect fleeting moments between stretches of mediocrity & weave them together in hopes they’ll both agree to stuff such seconds of bliss into a contrived little blue box. Longing for something serious, they settle for lack of substance. Chasing idealistic ideas down a petal-lined path, they soon wither in desolate disillusionment. Once again, they are alone.

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Someone asked me recently if I was looking for something serious. In my haste to avoid yet another hookup proposition, I answered an emphatic “yes”. The implications of this question stuck with me, since I had already been reassessing my dating philosophy for days. Then it clicked: I had been playing it safe, but what I was actually looking for wasn’t a label or the notion of something ‘serious’ for the sake of being serious; I want something real, in whatever form that takes.

What I hope for…that inexplicable connection where another soul truly “gets ” me… just happens; it’s NOT some contrived classification to strive for, hoping it one day turns into an entity stuffed inside a Tiffany’s box. Forget the final rose, the silly timelines, or society’s ideas of what it should be. Something real can’t be overthought, planned or calculated. It’s an unmistakable magnetic pull that draws two people together gradually, day by day. I don’t need to brand someone, possess them, or take up all their time. I want balance, mutual respect, acceptance, and a strong foundation of friendship, where I feel so much myself–but not just me–the best version of me. They embrace my wonderful weirdness, and make me feel free and capable, almost like a little child, brimming with hopes and dreams and wonder. They see the world the way I see it, and their mere being naturally makes me disinterested in anyone else. It evolves with mutual respect and passion, and from there…who knows?

But for now, I’ll build it brick by brick.

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Unleash the beautiful noise. Ponder it, write about it, draw, paint, compose, create.  Enjoy the solitude and get acquainted with yourself. Pause, breathe, feel alive.

One day, you may catch a glimpse of your reflection in someone else, but you can only recognize it, after you discover the person in the mirror.

 When we are together you make me feel like my mind is free and my dreams are reachable…

Notes on Self

She ought to stitch a quilt of Post-its for herself to preserve the lessons learned along the road less traveled. She chooses it time and time again, repeatedly rubbing elbows with fellow free spirits fearlessly fighting for foresight without flashlight. Try as she might to lead a normal, lackluster life, her fondness remains for these things that go bump in the night. Copious crop circles evidence her cyclical sense of direction, but adventure eclipses perfection. She will never be the likes of a Jones, Smith or White and she sports the scars to prove it. No box, cage nor counterpart can contain her, yet her recognition of those who mirror her renegade reflection often leads her astray.

Scores of eyes gaze upon the gift horse yet she keeps on giving. Her perforated pericardium demands a dam to halt its ceaseless overspill. Her adopted Ambassador of Good Cheer title carries her and those fortunate to call her friend on magic carpets that careen away cares. To her, true contentment is found not in mere fortune or fame, but in reciprocal, unabating bright spots who resound even when the music finally fades.

Her inner chameleon absorbs the emotion and intensity of those closest to her, and she must exercise caution; It’s easy to lose oneself within the comfort of another’s overpowering shadow. To counteract, she stands firm, following faith, wields her words, turning paper inky, and delves into a direction even the calendar can’t command.

And the dreamers walk slowly through the crowds. Nothing can stop us now.

Walk On

Her ability to view the world with childlike wonder resumes & her eagerness to explore & experience unleashed. Caging a free spirit always fails. The cage bird hums; but if the door is left open, it sings a symphony. 

Her fire burns brightly & her eyes are no longer a flicker, but two beacons, forging the path ahead. She no longer lights the way for those stumbling behind; she looks only forward, radiating in ultraviolet significance.

Fodder from 39,000 Feet

Every once in a while, you share a moment so ethereal, you can live within it for years. The haze shields you from the reality of The remaining 7374889 hours, and the multitude of sins you delude yourself into dismissing. Fools fall for the fleeting. However, it’s the collective whole of such moments, stitched together with the  beauty of how the difficult situations are handled with eloquence, the pain softened with tenderness and the falls caught by trusted arms, that weaves a cocoon protected by selflessness.  This is where true love resides.

From Chaos Comes Clarity

Sometimes writing a daily blog post to attain a personal goal proves less than riveting. It seems that patiently living life itself, visiting with friends, and taking in the world around me inspires the best fodder.

Uncertainty. Even the word itself elicits fear, anxiety, anger, frustration and a slew of other unpleasant feelings. When faced with an ambiguous future, we all have different reactions. Some of us run to escape the dilemma, make a knee-jerk reaction, melt down entirely, drown it out with external noise, work feverishly at finding a solution, or just sit stuck, hoping that an answer will reveal itself. Sometimes there isn’t an answer. Sometimes the situation is entirely out of our control, and that is enough to drive a person to insanity. It happens.

Perhaps your dilemma involves work, and unfulfillment at your job, struggle to find employment to make ends meet, or a company going downhill causes your career and future to be at stake. Maybe the health of yourself or a loved one has caused utter calamity, and the root of the mystery illness can’t be found, or worse, it has been confirmed, and you are flailing at the thought of dealing with daily worry about the how, what, and when surrounding the eventual demise. Maybe you have always wanted to be a mom, and news that you can’t have children has wounded you to the core, or maybe your parts are working, but your chances of meeting the right person seem increasingly bleak, or perhaps you recently discovered you were pregnant and you are nowhere near ready to tackle what’s to come. You might be a student about to graduate,  yet you have no idea which direction to go, what city to live in, and the numerous combinations and permutations are daunting. Or, possibly, the unknown lies deep within your relationship, and you feel that it has reached a hurdle so high, that you are terrified it’s insurmountable.

These situations are all beyond frightening. How do we wake up each day, fasten our smiles on our faces, and continue? Obviously, we don’t have the luxury of pressing the pause button, rewinding, and reevaluating. In theory, that would be fabulous, but that didn’t work out so well for Adam Sandler in Click, anyway. Sitting and worrying about it will just give us an ulcer, migraine, or some additional problem to exacerbate the situation. Yelling at everyone alienates the chosen few who love you, and again initiates a snowball effect. So, what is one to do? 

Each of us has different coping mechanisms. I’ve taken the time to do a little research, and stumbled upon some great ideas worth trying. From embracing the chaos to distracting ourselves in healthy ways, these cover the gamut. This article from Real Simple has a few very practical suggestions to handle the initial panic. This helpful blog outlines all angles and suggests various directions, for those who are too caught up in the midst to think straight. Lastly, here are 10 great ways to embrace the uncertainty from a positive standpoint. 

I’ll leave you with a quote that struck me yesterday. I was out running materials out to one of my printers, and saw this above his workstation. It turns out that he inspired his team with this saying in the midst of a seemingly impossible project. Granted, it applies more to solution-based problems rather than those out of our control, but I found it quite fitting to share with my blog audience:

Perhaps clarity comes from working within our limitations to create a new perspective…

 

High Hopes

When I was young, I spent many hours on our living room staircase, twirling various shades of taupe, walnut and tan carpet fibers between my fingers. I surely rubbed off much of the black paint from the wrought iron railing, as I periodically pulled myself up to lean toward the kitchen and check the clock on the microwave. My sensible younger brother knew better than to wait, but I had a knack for always believing for the best in those I loved. Sometimes the phone would ring, causing my heart to sink, and logic should have implored me to heed my lesson, but I still sat weekly on those stairs, longing for the sound of the white Toyota, as it revved from gear to gear, rounding the corner toward our house.

My dad had a way of infusing my hopes with oft empty promises. Whether it was the pledge to be at my orchestra concert or pick us up to go someplace special, we were regularly met with hours worth of delays, cancellations, or lager-laced breath as he hugged me after missing my violin solo. Yet, even as an adult, I would still find myself making excuses for him, rearranging my plans for him, and perpetually waiting around for him.

This is again where my most excellent trait of seeing the best in people tends to come back to bite me. For years, I held to my expectations that others would treat me the way I treated them. From birthdays to boys I dated, I always wished for greatness, and while I received it on several occasions, I was mostly let down…hard.

Psychology today suggests that “our expectations of our experiences dramatically color not just how we experience waiting for them but the experiences themselves.”  When we go into circumstances with extraordinarily high hopes, we tend to have them dashed. However, if we lower the bar slightly, our experience will be equally measured, or it might surprise us pleasantly.

The fact of the matter is, people and circumstances will let you down. The trick is to gauge your previous expectation to experience rate. If you are an eternal optimist (like me), try lowering your expectations a bit to avoid disappointment. If realistic logic fills your habits, or if they rank even closer to pessimist levels, try increasing your expectations, and you might find it warmly enhances your view on life.

I have had to put this into practice quite a bit lately. My path has been clouded with seemingly increasing potholes, road humps and near insurmountable obstacles, and combatting the daily uncertainty has been challenging. Staying positive when it aches and it’s out of your control is a very unnatural and unsettling feeling. There are days when it’s easy to get caught up in worry, negativity, or self-doubt, but that’s no way to live life. Reducing my expectations has helped my usually happy-go-lucky self to cope.

When Dr. Doom tells you to go home and enjoy your dog while you can, it really puts things into perspective. Now, I still see the good in people, but I also stand up for myself more, try not to allow other people’s emotions, opinions, or agendas adversely affect my mood or my plans (choosing this is sometimes difficult), make effort to pause and listen to others, and attempt to carry out each daily action with love and kindness in regards to myself and those around me. It’s not a perfect solution, but it beats being let down constantly or being enveloped by the dismal.

Nevertheless, no matter how small, I still choose hope.

You never know… sometimes people (and dogs) will rise to the occasion.